Family Growing Pains: Part IV First Transfer to Pregnancy
The First Transfer
Then came the transfer. Everything had led to this moment.
One of the three…placed inside me with precision, care… and hope.
It’s strange how something so microscopic…can carry so much weight.
This wasn’t numbers anymore.
This was possibility.
First they prep the uterus, they prevent any possibility of ovulation while mimicking a traditional cycle. Estrogen stickers on the abdomen to build a wall, egg preventer shots transcutaneously in the abdomen, then on day 14 (about ovulation), you begin injecting progresterone in oil into the lateral 1/3 area of your buttocks. The reason, at day 14 when the follicle erupts and frees an egg, it becomes a corpus luteum, the organ responsible for maintaining progesterone levels in the blood stream for the first 12 weeks.
(Overtime my abdomen skin got irritated from the estrogen patches)… and the progesterone in oil created granulomas underneath the skin and just felt gross. Just saying. like everything clumped up.
Then is the day of the transfer. Spouse allowed in the room. No anesthesia. Just a little valium to relax the uterus.
I’m in a room of women ALSO getting ready to receive their embryo… and it had to be done with a full bladder because it creates better positioning in the uterus for implantation. So, they gave us liquid to fill our bladders and the urge was the painful kind when you wait too long and your entire back hurts and then your entire body hurts. I was allowed to empty a little, but had to stay full (which was tracked with transpelvic ultrasound). That’s not easy to stop a flow. Painful experience.
The transfer happened. I got some McDonald’s French Fries, and old wive’s tale about how they make the uterus extra sticky.
Here’s the google search!
The Waiting… The Test… The Excitement
And then came the waiting. Every sensation meant something. Every thought… every feeling…You analyze everything. Am I nauseaus (even though I knew it would be too early)
And then… the first test 10 days later. Counted down… Every day!
After peeing on so many pregnancy sticks…going cross-eyed trying to see those faint, faded pink lines…
questioning every shadow…holding it up to the light…tilting it… rechecking it…wondering, “Is that something… or is that nothing?”
Then finally…
a real positive.
Clear. Undeniable Happy Face!
I remember how exciting that felt. Not loud excitement… not over-the-top…but this deep, internal moment of:
“It actually worked.”
The Magnificent Morning Sickness
Then the nausea confirmed the pregnancy for me. It was terrible.Relentless. Consuming.
But I didn’t hate it, Because it meant something. I was nausea for a purpose. Not nauseous for no reason.
It was a positive indicator I was still pregnant.
Every wave of nausea…was reassurance. So I held onto it.
The First Ultrasound
The first ultrasound, which was scheduled when the HCG reached a certain limit, and it showed the amniotic sac.
The Second Ultrasound
The second ultrasound revealed the amniotic sac with a flickering light. The heart has formed. I couldn’t wait another two weeks till I could start listening with one of those dopplers I found on amazon. Sounds like it could have been a magical moment for me. Before I left, I asked for the ultrasound picture. The doctor looked at me and said that he doesn’t give it out at the 6 week visit because a woman had a bad experience, and yadda yadda. He thought it was bad luck, so he didn’t give it to me. I was hopeful I was going to get another ultrasound picture, so I let it go.
The Final Ultrasound, earlier than expected
5 days before my next scheduled ultrasound… It was a Sunday. My brother in law was in town. The nausea was very intense. We were so excited to break the news to him because the entire family was waiting for years for this. This would make his parents grandparents for the first time. This made him a first time uncle. This made me just thrilled as I now was going to be a mom. He saw how nauseous I was, but we were prepared to have a nice evening.
I got dressed up to go to dinner with my husband and brother in law. I was in the back of the car, when suddenly, the nausea instantly stopped. Gone. Zero Suffering. I didn’t know what it meant. Maybe the low dose zofran worked. We are walking and it feels like i need to urinate. It was heavy. It felt like I was going to urinate A LOT. I told them I needed to go to the bathroom. So, I ran in right to the bathroom. I sat down quick. Released. Looked down… and BLOOD! Just lots and lots of blood.
The Bathroom
There was a LOT of blood. So much blood. More than I could process in that moment.
It was shocking. Overwhelming.
And somehow…embarrassing.
I wasn’t logical. I wasn’t thinking practically.
I wasn’t thinking, “I need help.”
I was thinking…“I need to clean this up.”
I was wiping everything—myself… the floor… the toilet…because the way it looked…
it looked like a murder scene.
And I couldn’t leave that for someone else to find.
Holding It Together
I couldn’t panic. Not because I wasn’t scared…but because I knew my husband would be.
If I lost it, he would spiral.
So I stayed calm.
I called him and said:
“I need you to take a breath.
I need you to go get me paper towels… I’m bleeding a lot.”
Within minutes, I could hear him—
paper towels coming under the door. Fast. Urgent. His panic… without even seeing him.
And there I was…bleeding… cleaning…holding it together.
“Bring the car around.
I’ll get in, and you’ll take me to my mom’s house.”
That “Twilight Zone” kind of night
Every thirty minutes, like purging blood.
I scheduled an emergency appointment for the next day.But that night…was endless. Praying. Hoping.
Trying to convince myself it could be something else…blood pockets…something harmless…anything, but what I knew it was.
Because deep down…I knew.
The First Goodbye – A Miscarraige
This did not make sense. I prayed. I meditated… and this was the visualization I had when I had my miscarriage:
On a beautiful winter morning, a husband and wife went fishing for life potential. They had 16 mir-eggles. Of those miracles, God had chosen three. Three that were so perfect, beautiful and strong that they could whether and storm.
For 8 months, they prepared this house with everything that this precious being would need for their 40 week stay. They painted the house a deep brilliant ruby red draped with shiny red satin weaves. On 10/25, the first was selected from her siblings to begin the journey of life. She was excited as no one likes to be froze, or stuck, in their life process. (And she was stuck at blatocyst).
On week 8, she suddenly stopped in her tracks.
God asked, “What’s wrong My child?”
At that moment she realized she really wasnt ready for life. She replied, “I don’t think i’nm ready for this. I’m not ready to begin my life here on Earth”
God asked, “Are you sure this is what you want? I chose you. This couple chose you. They will be heartbroken. There is no turning back”
She looked down and shed a tear. She said, “I’m not ready”. At that moment, God cut the tie. She let go and fell to the surfix. She lied there lifeless, she watched her beautiful fuby red home cromble down and get sucked through the hole in the ground.
As the last bit fell through, she looked through the hole and saw a glimmer of light and walked towards it….
