Family Growing Pains: Part 3: Contracts, First Retrieval, Septate Surgery, First Transfer
This is the part no one really prepares you for.
Not just the medications or the procedures…but the way your life slowly becomes measured in numbers, timelines, and outcomes.
On paper, it sounded safe.
Three retrievals.
Unlimited transfers.
A healthy baby… or your money back.
It felt like security. Like no matter what happened, there was an endpoint that guaranteed something whole.
The Fine Print Unexplained
But what they did not explain. In fact… They left it completely out of the conversation.
That a clock started & it came with a 3 year timeframe, and that that clock started the moment I signed.
They also left out that the timeframe was THREE YEARS OR ends abruptly 38 years of age.
And just like that, my three years became two. (I was 36 at that time)
(I didn’t even realize it….until I was down to six months left.)
And the process itself? It wasn’t something you could move through freely.
You couldn’t just do all three retrievals, create embryos, and then decide what felt right. (This is called Stacking/Banking)
No. It was structured. Step by step.
You had to work your way through it: One retrieval, transfer each embryo, after ALL embryos transfered failed,
THEN you were allowed to move onto the next retrieval, transfer each embryo, after ALL embryos transfered failed,
THEN, one last time, the FINAL retrieval, transfer each embryo. GAME OVER!
So there was no real pause. No space to step back to breathe and recovery.
You were always in it. IF I had known this, I would have opted to bank my embryos.
I was lied to. I didn’t make an informed decision. I lost a gamble they knew I would lose.
-My FIRST Retrieval-
Every cycle started the same way.
Birth control… to shut everything down.
Then hormone injections…day after day…timed, measured, controlled.
Followed by constant monitoring—Vaginal ultrasounds, Bloodwork, Watching your follicles develop and grow….until the day came when the follicles measured to the point of a “healthy egg” size. At that point, you prepare to take an HCG shot to mimic ovulation, which makes the extraction easier.
The retrieval consisted of waking up early and going to their inpatient surgical site where they do the extractions. I disrobed, my vital signs were taken, and then I was taken back where I was given twilight anesthesia… which is, the best sleep ever. The doctor goes in vaginally, and carefully extracts the eggs from both ovaries…
….And when you wake up—we feel crappy and sore in that area.
I did read what to expect. They say some women go back to work the next day. Resume normal life.
I want to meet those women, because it was a crippling experience.
My body felt injured. My netherlands was so sore and painful. It felt cramping… mixed with a UTI-type burning pain. You know, that deep, internal discomfort you can’t escape. But more than that—I felt like everything was falling out. There was this heaviness… this pressure…like my body couldn’t hold itself the way it normally does. Even going to the bathroom wasn’t simple. I remember sitting there… and the only way I could get any kind of relief… was to physically lift my abdomen up. Just to take the pressure off. That’s how intense the pain was.
And the only thing that helped? Not ice. Not anything on top of my abdomen. It was a heating pad…placed in between my legs. Up close. Direct. The combination of heat and pressure— that was the only thing that gave me even a moment of relief. That’s the part no one really explains. What it actually feels like and then giving some sort of suggestions to help you along in the healing process.
I’m telling my IVF warrior women, that was a saving grace for me. Make sure you get a heating pad… with vibration is a plus! … And thats where you place it. Not on top, in between. Give yourself time to heal and rest.
Emotionally? It’s like your body just went to war…and you’re expected to move on.
But I couldn’t. This was the first time I started to slow down… and actually listen to my body instead of pushing it.
This is where craniosacral therapy became essential for me.
Not forcing. Not fixing. Just creating space for my body to come out of survival mode…and feel safe again.
The countdown:
You’re given a number. 16 eggs retrieved!!!!!!
And for a moment… You feel hopeful.
But then the waiting begins.
Twenty-four hours later—11 matured !!!!
Then—9 fertilized !!!
We went in with fresh, moving sperm. The doctor did not have to force the sperm inside. IT worked! Fertilization was successful.
Then—7 make it to blastocyst !!
(You can see what happens over a week. We start out really enthusiastic! The enthusiasm fades as the probability decreases)
Genetic testing….Waiting…..Praying.
(Watching numbers that once felt abundant slowly narrow into something fragile.)
Ten days later—The final number –> 3 viable embryos, genetically normal.
And you feel it. All things at once –> Pain from the retrieval, sadness for the ones that didn’t make it to this stage, gratitude because four is something. Four is hope. F
our is Cautiously optimistic.
Between hope and fear.
Between numbers and meaning.
Between trusting the process… and not!
Septate Surgery
This is done in a hospital setting. I was going to go under anesthesia and have that nonvasculature wall obliterated. The doctor implants a balloon catheter to keep the cavity patent. You know when a cut is healing, sometimes it could create a sticky wall which would cause the uterus to collapse. So, that was the reason for this. Leave it in for 7-10 days at which point I would go and get the catheter removed. There was no pain after that surgery.
10 days later, in the fertility doc’s office, we are just talking small talk, in the same awkward position… While he is preparing to remove the catheter… then… without warning, he yanks on the string… RIGHT THROUGH THE CERVIX! It felt like, if I were a man, kicked in the balls, that’s THAT feeling. Eyes went crosseyed… I went high pitched in the middle of the sentence… that incredible pain!
Everything healed nicely, as shown on another saline infuse ultrasound, and NOW! I was ready to go! Ready to accept my first embryo transfer!
Another thing couples take for granted, tell me if I’m wrong, is the gender mystery, is it a girl? Is it a boy? It’s God’s surprise! Or a Reveal! Exciting moment in the journey. I got to “select”. I was going to choose my First born. Knowing him or her, stregnthened the attachment, in my experience.
My First Transfer
This is what I’ll leave you with. In Craniosacral, I learned that the spiritual realm speaks to us in images… and when I put an image to the somatoemotional feelings I felt, it felt like this, which became a drawing which expressed these intense feelings. All of that led to this moment. This drawing shows the struggle. All the prying and probing, we had a achieved 4 viable embryos. The purpose of a uterus is to be a womb, that is a womb’s purpose. So, when I stepped into my uterus’s shoes, … even closer, I became my uterus. I felt what it felt like to hold something this precious. Our hard work paid off. We were proud, hopeful, bittersweet, grateful.
Part IV: What happened next.
I talk about the transfer process and the hopefulness that presented.
